My Mean Girl / My Mean Girlfriend

More-a Patricia

written on Tuesday June 7, 2005 about My Mean Girl

Lisa

I’m on the phone with my girlfriend while she talks with her roommate, Lisa, who recently got hired at a suicide prevention call center. They decide to do a mock phone conversation to help prepare Lisa. So my girlfriend “calls” Lisa and says

Annie: My boyfriend left me for… Maura Tierney.

Lisa Miller

My first celebrity crush dates back to when I was about fourteen years old and would sneak downstairs during school nights to catch reruns of NewsRadio at midnight. It’s still one of my favorite shows even though it was cancelled more than five years ago.

Lisa Miller was played by Maura Tierney and she was my first celebrity crush. Not too many people know, but now you do.

Annie

Apparently, me finding Maura Tierney attractive was just plain unacceptable to my girlfriend, Annie. She asked me to list two other celebrities that I liked.

I refused to play her game.

She asked me to list two other celebrities that I liked.

I refused to play her game.

She asked me to list two other celebrities that I liked.

I refused to play her game.

She asked me to list two other celebrities that I liked.

(It’s much harder to notice a pattern like that until it’s all typed out for you.)

Patricia Heaton

So I told her Patricia Heaton—known to most of the television watching community as Debra Barone.

Annie was not satisfied with this answer, either. She demanded a third celebrity.

We repeated the pattern above.

Jane Leeves

So I told her Jane Leeves—known to the good television watching community as Daphne Moon.

This answer made Annie come to the conclusion that

I’m a pervert

I don’t think a single day has passed since the day I told her about these celebrities (although she knew about Maura Tierney far in advance) where she hasn’t brought up one of these names at least once.

I don’t have to do any searches in the news for these women—my girlfriend has that all covered and she’s the first one to notify me of any new developments in any of these ladies’ lives.

Annie: So… Patricia Heaton is on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. I bet you’d like to see that!

If you saw that Entertainment Weekly cover when it first hit the shelves, then you have a better idea of how long this has been going on.

Annie

After over two years of dating, I told my girlfriend that I would not leave her if for some reason Maura Tierney were to be interested in a totally desirable web designing geek named Chris. It was a kind, loving gesture and Annie was the only person to have ever received it from me.

All past relationships would have been ended promptly… But the one we share is special.

Annie’s reaction was to tell her roommate and best friend,

Lisa

Annie: I got something funny to tell you.
Lisa: What?
Annie: As a reward, I’ll tell you after we finish studying.

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